Every Spouse Has Numerous Choices!

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

 Unfortunately, in marriage counseling I have heard thousands of disappointing comments like:  “I simply forget to regularly give meaningful hugs and kisses”; “I just can’t ever forgive”; “When I am upset I have to yell”; “Right now, I just don’t have time for our marriage”; “I know our marriage would benefit but I won’t do _____.” All of those sad comments are both excuses and choices.

Many things in both life and a marriage are beyond one’s control.  However, what is definitely within our control are our personal choices!  We can absolutely choose what we do and say in order to make a difference in the lives of others as well as all our relationships.

Choices build up or tear down a marriage.  Hence, a marriage can be changed and improved simply by making healthy choices, not excuses! And when both spouses strive to make positive choices, then a happy, satisfying marriage is usually the outcome.

TODAY:  Make positive, encouraging choices with your spouse (if married), family members, and friends.

#marriage  #happymarriage #relationships

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Avoid Double Standards

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

One absolutely essential goal for every relationship is to Avoid Double Standards.  In marriage, there can be double standards with meeting each other’s needs, spending habits, household roles, time with family, etc.  In society, there are double standards with certain laws, in the media, with valuing and respecting others, etc.

The objective for overcoming double standards is Mutual Reciprocity.  Meaning, if you were to reverse roles, both parties would be content and happy because equality reigns supreme. 

Another way to overcome double standards is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and assess how you would feel.  If you would be happy then there is probably no double standard and mutual reciprocity exists in that aspect of the relationship.

TODAY:  Assess if there are any Double Standards in your significant relationships.  Then, determine if you are the one who needs to make the appropriate improvements in order to create a fair, equal, and balanced relationship. 

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How To Find The Right Marriage Partner

I posted a YouTube video, “How To Find The Right Marriage Partner.” My YouTube channel is “Pastor Dr Randy.”  Will you please both subscribe to my YouTube Channel and share my videos on Facebook?  I really appreciate your help and kindness!

Description of Video:  “One of the most important decisions that a person will make is selecting a marriage partner.  Hence, it is absolutely essential to make an intelligent decision, not an emotional one.  Gain insights into being objective when choosing a spouse for life.”

Be “Intelligent” and Respect Others’ Opinions  

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

My definition of an “intelligent” individual is someone who attempts to understand an opposing opinion without being disrespectful. Definitely, a healthy, “intelligent” individual believesdisagreeing is fine, but disrespecting is NEVER okay.” 

Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” and that is truly best demonstrated when we respect a differing perspective without being antagonistic.  Hence, we are always free to disagree but never free to disrespect others. 

One common denominator for all satisfying, happy relationships is MUTUAL RESPECT.  Gratifying marriages almost always have two “intelligent” spouses!

TODAY:  Be “Intelligent” by always being respectful and kindly seeking to understand anyone who may disagree with your values or has an alternate viewpoint.   

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Edify Your Relationships By Listening Well

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Listening is the most important communication skill!  The cliché’ is true, “Talking is sharing BUT listening is caring.”  When we listen closely to another person, our eyes and body language convey that we respect, care, and value that person so much we really want to hear and understand what they are saying.   

However, to listen well takes time and effort.  We need to set aside all distractions—cell phone, computer, tablet, television, etc. 

Definitely, you help others feel important and special when you listen well by giving them your undivided attention with excellent eye contact. 

TODAY:  Ask your spouse, a family member, or a friend how you can improve at being a better listener. 

Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Have A Politeness Month!

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

 Ask yourself an important question:  “On a daily basis, how often do I use ‘Please,’ ‘Thank you,’ and ‘I appreciate’? Hopefully, your answer is frequently.  However, I believe that we too easily forget to go overboard on politeness with family and friends.

One way to recharge our relationships and even our attitude is by going overboard on politeness every day.  Daily using those three politeness phrases can create an “Attitude of Gratitude” in our hearts as well as enhance our relationships.

TODAY:  Begin the Politeness Monthly Challenge for June.  Set a daily goal to use one of those three politeness phrases with family members or friends.  In addition, set a daily goal to use a politeness phrase with an acquaintance or even stranger at the gas station, grocery store, etc. 

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Bake A Great Cake!

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

If a cake tastes like vinegar, the most delicious icing in the world will not improve the taste.  Think of a cake as your personal life and a marriage like the icing.

I have counseled numerous couples that had a troubled relationship due to one spouse having a personal life that was not pleasant.  Surprisingly, those spouses often blamed the marriage rather than accepting responsibility for an unsavory cake.

The best marriage cannot create a happy life for either partner because one’s personal life must first be satisfying.  Hence, the goal is to focus on baking a great cake, in other words, having a pleasing personal life. Then, the satisfying icing on the cake will make a delicious combination.

Always remember, happiness is an inside job, not a relationship one.  Pour your energies into making yourself a better person, spouse, friend, parent, etc.

TODAY:  Determine what “ingredient,” meaning positive attribute(s) or behavior(s), will begin improving your personal life.

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

YouTube Videos:  My YouTube channel is “Pastor Dr Randy.”  I am excited to share that I will begin answering questions about Marriage, Parenting, and Life issues such as depression, anxiety, OCD, bereavement, etc., through YouTube videos.  I encourage you to send your questions to info@DrRandallSchroeder.com.  Of course, you will remain anonymous.

Improve 1% Per Week

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Literally, every major accomplishment happens “one” at a time.  No individual or relationship ever got better all at once.  Improvement happens one day at a time, one compliment at a time, one minute of exercise at a time, one hug at a time, one phone call at a time, one action at a time, one kiss at a time, etc.

Most of us want immediate success in all areas of life but, of course, that is not realistic.  In counseling, I often suggest to individuals, couples, parents, and families, that a reasonable goal is one percent improvement per week or four percent per month.  Certainly, one percent per week doesn’t sound like much but at the end of a year that is 50% improvement as a person, spouse, parent, friend, etc.

TODAY:  Take “one” action that can begin the process of improving yourself as a Christian person.  In addition, take “one” action or say “one” sentence that will improve a relationship, whether a friendship, marriage, parent-child connection, co-worker association, etc.

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

YOUTUBE VIDEOS:  My YouTube channel is “Pastor Dr Randy.”  I am excited to share that I will begin answering questions about Marriage, Parenting, and Life issues such as depression, anxiety, OCD, bereavement, etc., through YouTube videos.  I encourage you to send your questions to info@DrRandallSchroeder.com.  Of course, you will remain anonymous.

NEVER Stare In The Past!

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

It is okay to GLANCE back BUT NEVER STARE in the PAST!  While driving, if you stare in your rear view mirror you will probably crash.  However, quickly glancing in your rear view mirror  to ensure no rear end collision makes sense.

When we fixate on the past we often experience regrets, guilt, and complacency which diminishes our joy and happiness in the present.  Frequently when “staring,” we also make numerous excuses about our circumstances today.  We blame, blame, blame, our parents, our teachers, the government, society, and even what happened to our family 75 to 150 years ago.

Such “past” excuse-thinking just produces one excuse after another and creates a lack of responsibility for one’s life today.  Unfortunately, too many individuals and groups in society are “staring in their rear view mirror” in order to blame the “past” on any or most of their problems today.

Staring in the past may also make us complacent about daily goals and future achievements.  We can become so content with past successes that we lose a healthy ambitious desire for personal growth or future accomplishments.

TODAY:  Say aloud, “I will never have a backward stare, instead, I will and I can live for today and the future!”

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Fact Based Decision-Making

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Over the course of our lives, all of us will make numerous mistakes.  Unfortunately, most of those mistakes were due to thinking with our “heart” rather than thinking with our “head.”   In hindsight, we wish that we were wiser by looking at the objective facts.

When it comes to making decisions, this post is a friendly reminder for all of us to take the elevator from our heart to our head.  By evaluating the concrete facts in a “pro” and “con” fashion, we can increase the probabilities of making either the healthiest or correct choice with most decisions.

TODAY:  With significant decisions, use the “Rule of Three” by writing down three objective facts that support every important decision.  

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!