Avoid Double Standards

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

One absolutely essential goal for every relationship is to Avoid Double Standards.  In marriage, there can be double standards with meeting each other’s needs, spending habits, household roles, time with family, etc.  In society, there are double standards with certain laws, in the media, with valuing and respecting others, etc.

The objective for overcoming double standards is Mutual Reciprocity.  Meaning, if you were to reverse roles, both parties would be content and happy because equality reigns supreme. 

Another way to overcome double standards is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and assess how you would feel.  If you would be happy then there is probably no double standard and mutual reciprocity exists in that aspect of the relationship.

TODAY:  Assess if there are any Double Standards in your significant relationships.  Then, determine if you are the one who needs to make the appropriate improvements in order to create a fair, equal, and balanced relationship. 

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How To Find The Right Marriage Partner

I posted a YouTube video, “How To Find The Right Marriage Partner.” My YouTube channel is “Pastor Dr Randy.”  Will you please both subscribe to my YouTube Channel and share my videos on Facebook?  I really appreciate your help and kindness!

Description of Video:  “One of the most important decisions that a person will make is selecting a marriage partner.  Hence, it is absolutely essential to make an intelligent decision, not an emotional one.  Gain insights into being objective when choosing a spouse for life.”

Be “Intelligent” and Respect Others’ Opinions  

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

My definition of an “intelligent” individual is someone who attempts to understand an opposing opinion without being disrespectful. Definitely, a healthy, “intelligent” individual believesdisagreeing is fine, but disrespecting is NEVER okay.” 

Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” and that is truly best demonstrated when we respect a differing perspective without being antagonistic.  Hence, we are always free to disagree but never free to disrespect others. 

One common denominator for all satisfying, happy relationships is MUTUAL RESPECT.  Gratifying marriages almost always have two “intelligent” spouses!

TODAY:  Be “Intelligent” by always being respectful and kindly seeking to understand anyone who may disagree with your values or has an alternate viewpoint.   

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Edify Your Relationships By Listening Well

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Listening is the most important communication skill!  The cliché’ is true, “Talking is sharing BUT listening is caring.”  When we listen closely to another person, our eyes and body language convey that we respect, care, and value that person so much we really want to hear and understand what they are saying.   

However, to listen well takes time and effort.  We need to set aside all distractions—cell phone, computer, tablet, television, etc. 

Definitely, you help others feel important and special when you listen well by giving them your undivided attention with excellent eye contact. 

TODAY:  Ask your spouse, a family member, or a friend how you can improve at being a better listener. 

Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Healthy Marital Communication  

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Giving positive praise and sharing disappointing hurts are key components of healthy marital communication. Just as important for a satisfying marriage are both spouses being able to receive that information in a healthy way.

After receiving praise, a simple “Thank You” or “You Are Welcome” builds self-worth in a spouse as well as strengthens politeness within the relationship. When a disappointing hurt is shared it is equally important to not be overly sensitive and get defensive. 

A major enemy for a gratifying, happy marriage is receiving a disappointing hurt as an attack rather than just information.  Far too often I have counseled couples where the chief stumbling block to happiness was one spouse who regularly over reacted when a disappointment was shared.

TODAY:  If your spouse shares a disappointing hurt, seek to understand the hurt and then together search for a solution that will either heal the hurt or improve that aspect of your marital relationship.

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Have A Politeness Month!

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

 Ask yourself an important question:  “On a daily basis, how often do I use ‘Please,’ ‘Thank you,’ and ‘I appreciate’? Hopefully, your answer is frequently.  However, I believe that we too easily forget to go overboard on politeness with family and friends.

One way to recharge our relationships and even our attitude is by going overboard on politeness every day.  Daily using those three politeness phrases can create an “Attitude of Gratitude” in our hearts as well as enhance our relationships.

TODAY:  Begin the Politeness Monthly Challenge for June.  Set a daily goal to use one of those three politeness phrases with family members or friends.  In addition, set a daily goal to use a politeness phrase with an acquaintance or even stranger at the gas station, grocery store, etc. 

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Bake A Great Cake!

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

If a cake tastes like vinegar, the most delicious icing in the world will not improve the taste.  Think of a cake as your personal life and a marriage like the icing.

I have counseled numerous couples that had a troubled relationship due to one spouse having a personal life that was not pleasant.  Surprisingly, those spouses often blamed the marriage rather than accepting responsibility for an unsavory cake.

The best marriage cannot create a happy life for either partner because one’s personal life must first be satisfying.  Hence, the goal is to focus on baking a great cake, in other words, having a pleasing personal life. Then, the satisfying icing on the cake will make a delicious combination.

Always remember, happiness is an inside job, not a relationship one.  Pour your energies into making yourself a better person, spouse, friend, parent, etc.

TODAY:  Determine what “ingredient,” meaning positive attribute(s) or behavior(s), will begin improving your personal life.

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

YouTube Videos:  My YouTube channel is “Pastor Dr Randy.”  I am excited to share that I will begin answering questions about Marriage, Parenting, and Life issues such as depression, anxiety, OCD, bereavement, etc., through YouTube videos.  I encourage you to send your questions to info@DrRandallSchroeder.com.  Of course, you will remain anonymous.

Improve 1% Per Week

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Literally, every major accomplishment happens “one” at a time.  No individual or relationship ever got better all at once.  Improvement happens one day at a time, one compliment at a time, one minute of exercise at a time, one hug at a time, one phone call at a time, one action at a time, one kiss at a time, etc.

Most of us want immediate success in all areas of life but, of course, that is not realistic.  In counseling, I often suggest to individuals, couples, parents, and families, that a reasonable goal is one percent improvement per week or four percent per month.  Certainly, one percent per week doesn’t sound like much but at the end of a year that is 50% improvement as a person, spouse, parent, friend, etc.

TODAY:  Take “one” action that can begin the process of improving yourself as a Christian person.  In addition, take “one” action or say “one” sentence that will improve a relationship, whether a friendship, marriage, parent-child connection, co-worker association, etc.

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

YOUTUBE VIDEOS:  My YouTube channel is “Pastor Dr Randy.”  I am excited to share that I will begin answering questions about Marriage, Parenting, and Life issues such as depression, anxiety, OCD, bereavement, etc., through YouTube videos.  I encourage you to send your questions to info@DrRandallSchroeder.com.  Of course, you will remain anonymous.

Questions Answered on YouTube

I am excited to share that I will begin answering questions about Marriage, Parenting, and Life issues such as depression, anxiety, OCD, bereavement, etc., through YouTube videos.  Each video will be approximately 2 to 3 minutes in length.

My YouTube channel is “Pastor Dr Randy.”  To create my own personal You Tube channel I had to have a space between “Pastor” and “Dr” as well as between “Dr” and “Randy.”  Whenever you find a video helpful or interesting, will you please “Like” it?

I have now posted two YouTube videos.  The first video is an “Introduction” and the second video is “The Important Third Marriage Commitment.”  Shown below are the YouTube videos and a radio interview on STAR 88.3.

INTRODUCTION

THE IMPORTANT THIRD MARRIAGE COMMITMENT

INTERVIEW ON STAR 88.3 RADIO IN FORT WAYNE: My Future Marriage Book

http://star883.com/news/randy-schroeder-the-platinum-marriage

I encourage you to send your questions to info@DrRandallSchroeder.com.  Of course, you will remain anonymous.  Please also subscribe on my website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com.

May God richly bless your life and relationships!

Randall A. Schroeder, Ph.D., M.Div., M.Ed.

Schroeder Counseling & Consulting, Inc.

www.DrRandallSchroeder.com

4850 East Main Street

Carmel, IN 46033

260-348-8777