STAR 88.3 Radio Marriage Interview

Last Wednesday I had the privilege of being interviewed by Melissa Montana of Christian Radio Station STAR 88.3 regarding Christian marriage.  Shown below is the link to my interview.

http://star883.com/news/randy-schroeder-the-platinum-marriage

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On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Is Your Spouse a Number One Priority?

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Certainly, God is top priority but when married a spouse is second.  Successful businesses know their number one priority and that compelling goal provides clear direction for the entire company. Likewise, in a happy, satisfying marriage, both spouses understand the importance of working hard to make each other a Number One Priority.

Strive to keep balance in life and relationships but recognize that a gratifying marriage is a “work” of love with healthy priorities.  Don’t let your marriage deteriorate toward brokenness and unhappiness by forgetting to make your spouse a priority.

An important need for all of us is to feel valued.  So reaffirm your marital vows and commit to valuing your spouse by making them a Number One Priority.  Help your spouse feel cherished and respected through compliments, initiating physical touch, listening attentively, having sexual intimacy often, being cooperative with decisions, keeping balance with household roles, jointly planning for financial harmony, allowing for personal recharge time, etc.

TODAY:  Ask your spouse, “What can I do or say to make you feel more like a priority?”  (July 12, 2017)

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Take The 7-Day Affection Challenge

On Wednesdays I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Definitely, physical touch benefits our physical and emotional well-being, but just as important, affection helps a couple’s marital well-being.  For every satisfying marriage, affection has always been one of the absolutely essential aspects of the relationship.  By initiating daily affection, both spouses reaffirm their commitment to never take each other or the marriage for granted.

Every healthy spouse knows the importance of touch!  Frequent, consistent, meaningful touch demonstrates care and value for a mate and without even speaking one word is a way of saying, “I love you.”  Affection augments a marriage in so many ways, increasing the likelihood of a strong emotional connection and a gratifying relationship.  With your spouse, hold hands, give a peck on the cheek, rub their back, lovingly squeeze an arm, caress their head, give a lengthy hug, etc.

TODAY:  Begin the 7-Day Affection Challenge by personally initiating non-sexual touch multiple times per day for one week. (June 14, 2017)

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Build An Indestructible Marriage

I recently wrote an article, “Build An Indestructible Marriage,” for the June 2017 issue of The Fort Wayne Lutheran newspaper.  Please go to www.myfwl.org to find the article on page 11.  The article is also shown below.

Everyone who gets married wants that marriage to be satisfying and rewarding, and couples embark on this journey with hopes for lifelong happiness.  Furthermore, God said, “The two will become one,” and God never intended for that oneness to be broken.

Not only do as many as 50% of marriages end in divorce, I also believe that a majority of Christian couples live in unhappy marriages. But marriage doesn’t have to turn into a daily grind of hurts and slights. On the contrary, a Christian marriage can be a blessing that brings out the best in you—and your spouse—each day.  

A desire for a satisfying relationship is what propels a Christian marriage in a positive direction. However, the desire alone is not enough. A healthy, happy marriage is built—or a marriage in trouble crumbles—day by day through the specific, small actions that show love or disdain for a spouse.

Whether it is positive or negative habits, both significantly impact your marital satisfaction.  There’s a simple reason for many marital problems, most Christian spouses do not have the practical knowledge and simple tools needed to build a satisfying marriage.  No one ever taught them how, and they may not have had good role models in their own household growing up.  Many Christian relationships suffer needlessly because spouses simply do not possess the sound Proverbial wisdom and simple skills for achieving the goal of a happy marriage.

The good news is that anyone can learn to develop the habits that create a gratifying marriage!  Proverbs 4:5 speaks to every spouse seeking a satisfying Christian marriage, “Get skillful and Godly Wisdom, get understanding” (AMPLIFIED).  The Bible encourages, “correct your habits and change your actions for the better” (Jeremiah 18:11 AMPLIFIED).  The central theme for happy couples can be summarized in three words—HEALTHY, GODLY HABITS!  When two spouses learn how to demonstrate Godly words and actions on a daily basis, marital bliss becomes a reality!

Understand that when a spouse develops healthy Godly habits, they are saying strongly and loudly, “I care about you!”  Serving God and serving others, including your spouse, are actions viewed as a privilege not an obligation because of the love of Christ.  Changing lifelong unhealthy habits requires tremendous effort, so be patient with yourself as you strive for improvement in your Christian life and marriage.

I have written a Christian marriage book, and with the help of my literary agent, I am seeking a Christian publisher.  Like the wisdom from Proverbs, my book will provide workable solutions to common marital problems and teach skills spouses need to maintain a healthy, happy Christian marriage. For some practical wisdom skills and logical ideas, please check my website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, where I share Practical Wisdom for marriage, parents, and life under “Categories.” On Wednesdays, I post a blog on practical wisdom in one of those three areas that is also posted on my Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter accounts. Simple, Godly habits manifested on a daily basis can make a profound positive difference in our lives and relationships.

Dr. Randy Schroeder is a former professor of Pastoral Counseling at Concordia Theological Seminary, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and now has a private counseling practice at Cornerstone Lutheran Church in Carmel, Indiana.   

 

 

 

Judge But Never Be Judgmental

On Wednesdays I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Judging is an important skill for a healthy life and marriage.  Judging is assessing or evaluating a situation, ourselves, or an important relationship for the sake of improvement.  However, being judgmental is not healthy because the intention is rooted in malice, resulting in arrogance or a pompous spirit just for the sake of feeling superior over someone else.

Hence, it is healthy to regularly judge our personal words and behaviors.  Likewise, in a marriage, a partner may at times assess a spouse or relationship if the goal for that evaluation is improvement.

For example, if a spouse is an alcoholic or has explosive anger, evaluating the situation may correct that unhealthy behavior.  Unfortunately, an alcoholic or raging spouse will often defend themselves by telling their partner, “You are being judgmental.”  However, such an appraisal is not being “judgmental” but instead only an assessment of those unhealthy behaviors with a genuine motive for improvement.

TODAY:  Let’s assess our personal actions, and if married, evaluate our relationship in order to recognize aspects that may need growth and development.  (May 17, 2017)

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Intimacy Leads To Oneness

On Wednesdays I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

In the Bible, God said “The two will become one.”  The “oneness” or intimacy goal is an essential ongoing process, never a destination.  In healthy marriages, the intimacy feeling regularly happens in a variety of ways:  emotionally, socially, sexually, recreationally, intellectually, physically through touch, sharing of one’s faith, etc. Unfortunately, for struggling couples the “oneness” is usually missing in more than one area of the relationship.

My future Marriage Book describes how to enhance the intimacy in all facets of a marriage.  For now, please evaluate the following intimacy aspects: Understanding and listening closely to your spouse; talking about your faith; enjoying time with other couples; having regular sexual intimacy; doing fun things together; and discussing meaningful topics.

TODAY:  Identify the number one area where you need to improve in order to enhance the “oneness” or intimacy within your marriage and then share that goal with your spouse so you can work together.

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Couples Need A Marriage That Grows

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life.

Steve Perry’s song, “Foolish Heart,” begins with the words, “I need a love that grows.”  Likewise, the positive mantra that happy and rewarding couples live by is, “We need a marriage that grows.”

Boredom and monotony can easily jeopardize the future health of every marriage.  Daily, your marriage connection is either constructively increasing or destructively dwindling toward failure.  Work hard and make your marriage a labor of love.  Be open and willing to express regularly the needs and wants you desire for more improvement in your relationship.

TODAY:  Although there are many aspects to every marriage, identify your most important need in one specific area to enhance your relationship.  Perhaps share your goal with the “I” statement, “I wish we could begin strengthening our marriage by . . . . .” (April 19, 2017)

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Improve Life and Relationships: Try An Experiment

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life.

Fear can paralyze us to not make any attempts to improve our lives and relationships.  The nineteenth-century theologian Soren Kierkegaard said, “To dare is to lose one’s footing temporarily, to not dare is to lose one’s life.” So every improvement can only happen through taking a risk, and that can often be somewhat frightening.

One way to overcome fear with risk taking is to view every new attempt as an experiment. The very best thing with a successful experiment is the opportunity to improve an aspect of your life or relationships.  On the other hand, the good thing with every experiment is the result can never be failure even if the outcome is negative.  Every failed experiment is only temporary and provides feedback that we need to do something different with the next experiment.

TODAY:  Try an experiment in order to improve an area of your life or an aspect of a significant relationship. If successful, great!  If not, view the result as valuable data or information and try something different with a new experiment

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Experiences Really Make A Difference

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life.

A good goal for bringing more joy, contentment, and happiness to our life is to create memorable experiences.  In fact, a research study found that people who spent money on experiences rather than physical things were actually happier than those who focused on purchasing items, whether expensive or inexpensive.  Look back over your life and ask, “What happy moments do I really remember with fondness?”  I think your answer 95%+ of the time will be your individual and relational experiences.

Hence, design memorable experiences both personally and relationally.  Find fresh, exciting individual experiences; create wonderful, new experiences with your spouse; have regular or weekly experiences with your child; and find new sightseeing or vacation experiences. Material things don’t last but memories of experiences last a lifetime.

TODAY:  Begin developing your own list of future experiences that you want to enjoy in life either by yourself or with others. (March 8, 2017)

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Honor Your Spouse and Others By LISTENING WELL

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life.

God commands children to “Honor your father and mother” and God tells parents to “not embitter” their children.  What is the very best way to “honor” and “not embitter” a spouse, child, or parent?  LISTEN!  When we listen well to our spouse or anyone, we are honoring them by conveying that “You are my Number One Priority, not just one of my many activities, and I will listen to you!

Here are some thoughts on how to listen effectively.  Look the person directly in the eyes; ask questions for better understanding; do not interrupt; remove any distractions; suspend any judgment; and summarize often the content of what was said.

TODAY:  Be a wonderful listener throughout the day with everyone and help them feel special, valued, and number one in importance. (March 1, 2017)

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!